Redneck murders are hard to solve. All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.

A new redneck law was recently passed; When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Ingredients:
corn oil for deep-fryin’
3 to 4 catfish fillets, about 1 pound or so
1/2 cup of cornmeal
salt
freshly ground black pepper

Directions:
1) Cut each catfish fillet in half crosswise.
2) Combine the cornmeal, salt, and pepper in a shallow dish.
3) Dredge the fish fillets in the cornmeal, patting to make the cornmeal stick to the fillets. Drop the fillets in hot oil at about 375°. Cook 5 to 10 minutes, or until crisp and brown.

Our story starts in a far away land called Paris, that’s right Paris, Texas. Not so very long ago there was these three young, slim, good lookin’ fine song bird-like singin’ boys named Billy Bob, Billy Joe and Billy Billee. Okay, maybe not so young, slim and good lookin’ but, whoa doggy, can they sing!

One day while sing’n in front of their mobile music studio (that’s showbiz talk for trailer). They were discovered by a shrewd city slicker agent by the name of, well let’s just call him…the Colonel. To make a long story short, this is a tale about the Colonel’s search for the perfect venue (that’s French for place) and style for our boys to shine like the afternoon sun on a bald man’s head (no offense to you folically challenged out there). Well, that’s the long and short of it. It’s basically a foot stompin’, knee slapin’ uproariously funny musical redneck romp, with the tunes of Elvis to Puccini, Country to Opera (C’opera if you will), from Paris Texas all the way to their triumphant debut at New York City’s famous Carn-iggy Hall.

Visit their site for more info at 3 Redneck Tenors

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. “Vacation” means going to the family reunion.

3. You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

4. You measure distance in minutes.

5. You know several people who have hit a deer.

6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

8. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

9. You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”

10. Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.

11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.

12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

13. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

17. You carry jumper cables in your car.

18. You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” are.

19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

22. You think that deer season is a national holiday.

23. You find 90 degrees F “a little warm.”

24. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, Summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

25. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

1. The monitor is up on blocks.
2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
3. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
4. The extra RAM slots in your computer have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
5. John Deer pocket protectors left on the desk.
6. Your password has been changed to “Bubba”
7. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
8. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
9. The keyboard is camouflaged.
10. You hear him refer to the mouse as a “critter”

Now that is some funny sheeet!

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders XP would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you’d hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling Feebird!
8. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
9. Microsoft’s programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
10. Winders XP logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
11. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
12. New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?
13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
16. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
18. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory “dead cars in your front yard”
19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
20. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the
farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what
are you doing?”

The redneck replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are
out standing in their field.”