How To Tell If A Redneck has Been Working At Your Desk
By redneck | December 31, 2008
Here are the top 10 signs to be able to tell if a redneck has been working at your office desk at work:
1. The monitor is up on blocks.
2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
3. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
4. The extra RAM slots in your computer have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
5. John Deer pocket protectors left on the desk.
6. Your password has been changed to “Bubba”
7. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
8. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
9. The keyboard is camouflaged.
10. You hear him refer to the mouse as a “critter”
Now that is some funny sheeet!
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Engineering, Redneck Humor, Redneck Jokes, Redneck Tech
If Bill Gates Were A Redneck…
By redneck | December 31, 2008
Have you ever wondered what Microsoft Windows would be like if Bill gates were a redneck? Well, we did. Here is what we come up wit:
1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders XP would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you’d hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling Feebird!
8. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
9. Microsoft’s programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
10. Winders XP logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
11. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
12. New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?
13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
16. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
18. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory “dead cars in your front yard”
19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
20. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Dictionary, Redneck Humor, Redneck Ingenuity, Redneck Inventions, What If
Redneck Driving Etiquette
By redneck | December 14, 2008
Some Redneck etiquette while driving on or off the road:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Etiquette, Redneck Humor, Redneck Jokes, Redneck Tips
Wedding Tips: Unless You Are A Redneck
By redneck | December 14, 2008
Non-Redneck Tips for attending a wedding service:
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Holidays, Redneck Tips, Redneck Wedding
Redneck Nobel Prize Award
By redneck | November 19, 2008
A man is driving down a country road when he spots a
redneck farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that
the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking
at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the
farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what
are you doing?”
The redneck replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are
out standing in their field.”
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Awards, Redneck Prize
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