This is NON-PAID, however food and entertainment will be provided!

If your family is interested, please send an email to
MISSOURICASTING@GMAIL.COM with the following information:
your name, a family photo, phone number, and any blackout dates you may be unavailable for (vacations, gigs, etc.) between May 1st – July 30th.

Please contact us at your earliest convenience!

Thank you, we look forward to hearing from you!

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. “Vacation” means going to the family reunion.

3. You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

4. You measure distance in minutes.

5. You know several people who have hit a deer.

6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

8. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

9. You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”

10. Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.

11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.

12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

13. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

17. You carry jumper cables in your car.

18. You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” are.

19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

22. You think that deer season is a national holiday.

23. You find 90 degrees F “a little warm.”

24. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, Summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

25. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

1. The monitor is up on blocks.
2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
3. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
4. The extra RAM slots in your computer have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
5. John Deer pocket protectors left on the desk.
6. Your password has been changed to “Bubba”
7. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
8. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
9. The keyboard is camouflaged.
10. You hear him refer to the mouse as a “critter”

Now that is some funny sheeet!

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders XP would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you’d hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling Feebird!
8. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
9. Microsoft’s programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
10. Winders XP logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
11. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
12. New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?
13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
16. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
18. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory “dead cars in your front yard”
19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
20. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

We don’t keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
You can’t feed that to the dog. I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.
Wrasslin’s fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We’re vegetarians.
Do you think my hair is too big?
I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
Who’s Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
I’ve got it all on a floppy disk. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
I don’t have a favorite college team.
I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Elvis who?

1.Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.

2.If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.

3.While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private, using one’s OWN truck keys.

4.Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.

Do Truck Drivers ever die?
NO. They just get a new PETERBILT!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum how. (how many dead chickens have you seen along the road?)

What do you call 32 West Virginian women in one room?
A full set of teeth.

Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can beat the hillbillies to the watermelon.

Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery?
You can win $20 dollars for the next million years.

There was these 3 West Virginians in a pick-up truck; the driver in the front and the other two
in the back. As they were crossing a bridge a car swerved and hit the truck into the water. The
driver rolled down the window and swam safely to the shore. The two in the back of the truck
drowned because they couldn’t get the tail gate down!

What does a redneck say to his sex partner after having sex?
Thanks again mom!

Why did the redneck cross the road?
Because he wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.

What did the redneck do with his his first 50 cent piece?
He married her!

How many rednecks, does it take to screw in a light bulb…
answer: 3 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder.

What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
‘Hey sis, you awake?’

Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?
They would tell the women to try another brother.

How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

What does a redneck say after having sex?
Get off me Pa its uncle Bobs turn now.

Q. How do you tell a Redneck virgin?
A. She can run faster than her brother!

Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.