Those fancy cielin fans at Walmart and the local Dollar store are just so danged expensive. This redneck alternative is quick and requires no hard-wirin. And best of all it’s critter safe. Ain’t no grouse, squirrel or crow gona get caught in the pro-pellers.

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders XP would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you’d hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling Feebird!
8. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
9. Microsoft’s programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
10. Winders XP logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
11. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
12. New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?
13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
16. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
18. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory “dead cars in your front yard”
19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
20. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad