BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”

MUNTS — noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”

IGNERT — adjective. Not smart. See “Arkansas native.”
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”

RANCH — noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

FAR — noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”

BAHS — noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!”

TAR — noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”

TIRE — noun. A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

RETARD — Verb. To stop working.
Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

TARRED — adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”

FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

FARN — adjective. Not local.
Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn country.”

DID — adjective. Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”

EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: “He cain’t breath … give ‘im some ear!”

BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”

JEW HERE — Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”

HAZE — a contraction.
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah… haze ignert.”

VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”

HEAVY DEW — phrase. A request for action.
Usage: “Kin I heavy dew me a favor?”

GUMMIT — noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Them gummit boys shore are ignert.”

We don’t keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
You can’t feed that to the dog. I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.
Wrasslin’s fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We’re vegetarians.
Do you think my hair is too big?
I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
Who’s Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
I’ve got it all on a floppy disk. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
I don’t have a favorite college team.
I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Elvis who?